Toxic Relationships: Often You Might Not Realize You Are In Toxic Relationship Until After You Leave It
Most people are in toxic relationships and don’t realize it. S0, how can you avoiding trapped in one? To begin with you need to understand what one is.
A relationship becomes toxic when is one when emotional or physical harm becomes part of the dynamic. It often begins slowly and is not always obvious. Most people associate toxic behavior with romantic partnerships. However, these destructive patterns can appear in friendships and families. However, the most often also happen in the workplace.
In the context of dating, toxicity often grows through subtle control, manipulation, emotional dependency, or disrespect. Over time, one or both people feel emotionally drained, disrespected, or trapped.
If left unchecked, this kind of connection can deeply impact your self-esteem and mental health. It also may also impair your ability to form healthy future relationships. Recognizing a toxic relationship is the first step to breaking free. The next? Understanding that you deserve better. Below, we explore common signs and practical ways to move forward.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
1. Physical or Psychological Violence
One of the clearest signs of a toxic relationship is abuse. Abuse can take many forms. These include verbal, physical or emotional abuse. Physical violence is never acceptable. Therefore it’s a major reason to leave a relationship immediately. Verbal and psychological abuse is just as damaging.
This includes put-downs, intimidation, threats, name-calling, or constant criticism. It can slowly break down your confidence and sense of self-worth. Often, it’s harder to spot because it hides behind sarcasm or “jokes.” But if you’re feeling small, scared, or like you’re walking on eggshells, it’s a red flag. Healthy love never includes fear. Ever.
2. Controlling Behavior and Jealousy
It’s normal to feel occasional jealousy—but when it becomes frequent or irrational, it turns toxic. A controlling partner may demand to know where you are. They may monitor your texts or get angry when you spend time with friends. They might disguise it as love—saying they “just care too much”—but the truth is, it’s about control. Over time, this behavior isolates you from your support system. A healthy relationship builds trust. A toxic one tears it apart with suspicion and control disguised as concern.
3. Emotional Blackmail
Toxic partners often use guilt or manipulation to get their way. This is emotional blackmail—and it’s a major red flag. Phrases like “If you loved me, you would…” or “I guess I just don’t matter to you” are classic examples. It makes you feel bad for setting boundaries or saying no.
Over time, emotional blackmail conditions you to doubt your own needs. You give in, not because you agree—but because you’re afraid of conflic. Healthy people in a relationship respect each other’s feelings and limits.
4. Apathy or Emotional Distance
Toxicity can also show up as indifference. If your partner consistently ignores your needs, avoids emotional connection, or makes you feel invisible, it’s a serious problem. Love requires effort—checking in, being present, and showing care. When apathy sets in, it can be just as painful as anger or jealousy. It creates emotional starvation. You might begin to doubt your worth or wonder what you did wrong. In truth, it’s not about you—it’s about a partner who’s unwilling to engage or meet you halfway.
5. Infidelity and Betrayal
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. When a partner cheats, lies, or betrays that trust—especially more than once—it’s a sign of deep disrespect. While some couples choose to heal after infidelity, it requires mutual commitment and transparency. You may begin to question your instincts or feel like you have to compete for their love. A healthy partner stays loyal—not just physically, but emotionally too.
6. Emotional Dependence
It’s beautiful to be close with your partner. However, it becomes unhealthy for one person becomes entirely dependent on the other for happiness or stability. Emotional dependence often leads to possessiveness and guilt-tripping. It also leads to an inability to function without the other person. You might feel pressure to “save” them from their issues. You can also lose your sense of identity trying to meet their needs. In a toxic relationship, dependence often replaces love. Real love comes from two whole people choosing to grow together not clinging to each other out of fear.
How to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship
7. Understand Why You Left
Healing starts with clarity. Take time to reflect on what made the relationship toxic. Write down specific moments, behaviors, or patterns that hurt you. Seeing them on paper makes it harder to romanticize the past or ignore the harm. Make a list of the pros and cons of the relationship—and the pros and cons of walking away. This helps your mind stay grounded when your emotions pull you back. You left for a reason. Remind yourself of that reason every day if you have to.
8. Establish No Contact
Cutting ties may feel brutal but distance is your ally. “No contact” means no texting, calling, stalking their social media, or answering their messages. If necessary, block them. The longer you stay in contact, the harder it is to heal. Toxic partners also try to pull you back in when they sense you’re moving on. Don’t fall for it. Space creates clarity. The more distance you create, the more you’ll realize how much peace you can have without the chaos.
9. Reclaim Your Life
Toxic relationships often cause you to lose touch with who you are. So now’s the time to reconnect. Revisit old hobbies. Reconnect with friends. Try something new. Think about who you were before that relationship—what made you happy, confident, or fulfilled. That person is still inside you. Rebuilding your life gives you something to look forward to and replaces the space the relationship once occupied. The goal isn’t just distraction—it’s rediscovery. You’re more than what they made you feel.
10. Keep an Emotions Journal
Writing can be powerful therapy. Each day, take 10–15 minutes to write down how you’re feeling. Let your emotions out—without judgment. Journaling helps you track patterns, understand your triggers, and remind yourself of your progress. On hard days, reread entries where you felt strong or free. It’s also a great way to release pain privately instead of lashing out or texting your ex. Your journal becomes a safe space for healing—and a record of your strength.
11. Stop Idealizing Your Ex
After a breakup—especially a toxic one—it’s easy to focus on the good times. But this selective memory can be dangerous. Don’t forget the lies, the manipulation, or how you felt walking on eggshells. They weren’t perfect. And the relationship wasn’t either. Romanticizing your ex is like trying to reread a painful chapter and expecting a different ending. Instead, remind yourself of the truth. Revisit the reasons you left. You don’t need to hate them—but you do need to see them clearly.
12. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Even if the relationship was toxic, the loss is still real. Grieving doesn’t mean you made a mistake—it means you’re human. Let yourself feel the sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Don’t rush the process or pretend you’re okay. Healing isn’t linear. Some days will hurt. Others will feel like freedom. Let it all happen. In time, the grief will lessen and what remains will be a stronger, wiser version of you. Also, leaving a toxic relationship isn’t a failure. It’s a beginning.
